The One About Drake

I joke about this often, but I have genuinely always felt a particular kinship with Canadians. Having grown up in Buffalo, NY, which borders Southern Ontario, there was so much cultural crossover (and Tim Hortons) in that part of Upstate that most of us never even thought of Canada as another country. By way of marriage, I had Canadian relatives that stayed with my family off and on when I was growing up. Our annual school French trip was to Quebec, they served Poutine (my mom's favorite) at the Broadway Market, and my siblings and I had a modest, albeit worthless collection of Canadian currency that our parents would give us when it got mixed with their change from the store. (S/N: the Canadian dollar is currently valued at just slightly more than the USD, but I actually don’t remember what it would have been worth in the 90s.) Canadian news channels, commercials, and programming aired regularly on our television (to this day I still have the MarineLand jingle memorized). As a result, I grew up watching a lot of Degrassi. This wound up being important for 2 reasons. One, although the Degrassi cast was considerably diverse, the show was my primary frame of reference in terms of what to expect when I moved to Pittsburgh and attended a predominantly white high school, which I did not believe existed outside of television. The second reason, of course, is Drake. 

The story of how I became a Drake fan actually begins with Kanye West, and the release of 808’s and Heartbreak. Considered one of the most influential albums of all time, it was a huge departure from Ye’s previous projects, one where he lamented the price of fame, navigated loss, and took us through his relationship struggles. 808’s vulnerability, rawness, and shift from Ye’s typical bravado gave way to a new era in rap, one where artists embraced experimental R&B, and adopted many of the stylistic elements of the album, including and especially its more emo undertones. It opens with Say You Will, a song about a man struggling to detach himself from his ex. It’s a mellow, haunting, and scaled-down ballad with synth-pop elements. The track is tinged with remorse and regret, and sets a definitive tone for the rest of the album. It is one of my favorite songs of all time, and I remember the way I felt the first time I heard it, because I still feel that way no matter how many times I listen to it. It affects you profoundly, from the lyrics to the production, and includes an unusual 3 minute extended outro that reinforces the depth of the composition. It’s this outro that gave way to a string of freestyles from rappers that included Big Sean, Wiz Khalifa, and a relatively unknown underground artist who had just released a mixtape titled So Far Gone. 

The first time I heard Drake’s Say What’s Real, which samples Kanye, and sparked a war with him over clearance around the 10th anniversary of So Far Gone, (Ye eventually relented and gave the green light), I was in the beginning stages of the worst relationship of my life. More specifically, I was in bed with a man who was tied to an ex he was still sleeping with, and his refusal to commit to me was a constant point of contention between us. We did have some things in common; both of us were HUGE Hip-Hop fans, and this was peak mixtape era, so he was always playing me new music when I would come over. I did not pay much attention to what we were actually listening to on this day, at least not until I recognized the familiar operatic vocals for Say You Will. My interest was piqued; the previous freestyles I heard had been mildly entertaining, and I liked seeing how other artists approached taking on Ye’s caliber of production. When I heard the line ‘cause I just seen my ex-girl, standing with my next girl standing with the girl that I'm fuckin' right now’, I almost lost it. Not only did it parallel my situation with this man in a lot of ways, it was a great fucking verse. I asked him who this artist was. “It’s some guy who was on a show called Degrassi”. He showed me the cover of his previous mixtape, Comeback Season. WHEELCHAIR JIMMY?? 

It’s been said that Aubrey Graham is an actor, and his greatest role to date has been Drake. But I think that takes away from the fact that Drake truly is a deeply talented and gifted artist. Playing a role means you embody the character, but their talents are not your own. An actor could play a famous pianist, but no matter how many lessons he took, he would never have the same skill level as the person he’s portraying. I believe that Aubrey Graham is a perfectly nice man who has all the stereotypical Canadian sensibilities. We’ve seen him in interviews. He’s polite, charming, well spoken, even eloquent. He’s intentional. He respects others, especially women. There are no bad stories about Aubrey Graham, no skeletons in his closet. I am inclined to believe that Drake is actually a caricature of Aubrey, a physical manifestation of his ego, but certainly not an act. A good actor would know when to let go of the bit. He would recognize the curtain call. He would know that the accolades, the awards, the absolute record smashing was his cue to leave it all behind, and retire somewhere beautiful. So why doesn’t he? What is he trying to prove, and what will he lose in the process?

 I am always wondering what motivates Drake, why he makes certain decisions, and what exactly it is he’s searching for. Me being a genuine fan of his is often at odds with how I feel about him personally, because he seems to be at odds with himself. I am also at odds with the entire idea of being a Drake fan, what it says about me, and the parallels we share that make me relate to him. He is a mess of contradictions, both lyrically and within his personal life. He’s the good guy who wants to be the bad guy, and vice versa; someone who is looking for a deep, authentic love, but doesn’t respect or trust women enough to foster genuine or long-lasting connections, which has (allegedly) led to a whopping 42 ‘previous engagements’. Similarly to Kanye, whom he has often spoken of in terms of influence, he has an air of bravado and confidence that’s rooted in deep insecurity, which is why, despite a number of accomplishments, including being the highest-certified digital singles artist ever in the United States, he is fueled by a desire to do more. This has resulted in a number of projects and collaborations that have amounted to very little in terms of impact or influence, and in fact have reinforced all of the negative ways in which Drake has come to be regarded. His benevolent sexism, misogyny, pettiness, and pattern of working with collaborators who are known abusers has garnered him a reputation that has alienated a large part of his female identifying fan base. Ultimately, this doesn't affect sales, but it may have a lasting impact on his legacy that he hasn’t anticipated. The college women who felt Best I Ever Had was made especially for them, the ones who made the “sweatpants, hair-tied” line iconic, and have been the tastemakers for most of what he’s put out, have outgrown his antics. There are no excuses for a man who continues to very publicly take shots at his exes, is emotionally manipulative, has accused Megan Thee Stallion of lying about being shot by Tory Lanez (5’3”) on a song, and has a penchant for throwing stones and then hiding his hand. I think there are a few things at play here. For one, Drake simply doesn’t have a good sense of self. He had a very privileged upbringing, but wants to play the underdog, because privilege has no place in Hip Hop, where the most highly respected and legendary artists quite literally got it out of the mud. It all reads as incredibly phony and inauthentic when he tries to relate to things he did not come up against. He was raised by a white mother, and despite leaning on “I spent summers with my Dad down South” he never had many of the same Black experiences as a lot of us. I think this is what fuels a lot of his experimentation with diasporic musical styles he simply has no connection to, his collaborations with certain artists, and the people he surrounds himself with most closely, like Baka Not Nice, who has the type of background and actual lived experiences Drake seems to idealize in his music. I don’t believe he is fully at ease with being bi-racial, and I have a theory that the reason he wasn’t more forthcoming about fathering a son has less to do with protection, and more to do with the fact that Adonis is a white-passing child with a non-Black mother. Drake also isn’t American, which creates a further disconnect in the way of having a traditional Black upbringing. He is successful beyond measure, and is currently one of the biggest hip hop artists in the world, but he continues to throw himself massive and decadent pity parties, which unfortunately positions him as a Tragic Mulatto figure, a man who, try as he might, doesn’t quite fit in anywhere. He is constantly looking for love but wouldn’t even be able to recognize it if he found it. He has created a Petty King persona, one rooted in revenge against both perceived and very real slights, the numerous women who got away, and the idea that no matter how much he’s accomplished, it’s never enough. It’s always been trendy to hate Drake, and whereas some of it was previously unfounded, he’s reached a point in his career where he appears to seek out static, and he has gone out of his way to create opps just to say he has opps. I don’t doubt he has self-awareness. He knows the things that are said about him, and if anything, he leans into them. This is evidenced by his very calculated IG posts, him continuously supplying meme-able content, and various other ploys at relevancy from someone who is already very relevant, has been for quite some time, and will likely remain so. 

Drake is indisputably one of the greatest artists of all time. You don’t have to agree, but you cannot deny the stats. He has accomplished feats that more seasoned veterans simply could not have done in the era of streaming. The song of his you are most sick of hearing has charted higher and longer than anything your favorite artist has put out. I’ve been a fan for many years, and remain a fan despite how critical of him I am. He has a song for every mood, and I’ve partied to his music, even fallen in love to it, and he’s provided not only a soundtrack to many of my experiences, but a-lot of really good IG captions. At his absolute best, he represents the duality of us all, and how someone can be equally horrible, and absolutely brilliant at the same time. The ways I relate to him are both surface level and deep; the nuances of navigating a bi-racial identity, feeling as though your Blackness is never fully accepted, or acknowledged, being emotionally driven and fueled by a desire to prove people wrong. There’s also being predisposed to conflict, petty by nature, but with a deep need to be well liked and respected. There’s being surrounded by love, even revered in some ways, but always searching for something we may never find, and having a constant nagging sense of never being satisfied. Finally, there’s being a person who shares the deepest and most vulnerable parts of themself, but still having difficulty being able to connect with others, or be understood. I recognize these things about myself, and I do my best to acknowledge and work through them, because I know and understand where it all comes from. I want to be better. Drake is content with being Drake, and has no desire to be any different, because he doesn’t have to be, he’s Drake. He will continue to do some awful things, sell records, eat, sleep, and have sex better than most of the world's population, and die a rich man with an unquestionable legacy. I sincerely hope he finds whatever it is he’s looking for.